Finding yourself again
Everyone says you'll 'get back to yourself'. What if that isn't the goal?
In this piece
People kept telling me I'd get back to myself. They meant it kindly. It took me a long time to work out why it landed badly.
I wasn't lost. I was changed. Those are different problems, and only one of them has 'going back' as a solution.
Grief and gratitude live together
You can love your children entirely and still miss the woman who could leave the house in four minutes. Both things are true and neither cancels the other.
Most of us were never told we were allowed to hold both, so we quietly assume the grief means something is wrong with us.
Start smaller than feels worth it
- One thing a week that isn't for anybody else
- A book you're reading badly and slowly
- A walk with no stroller, if that's possible for you
- Saying no to one thing you'd normally absorb
This sounds insultingly small. It's small on purpose. Large plans need a version of your life you don't currently have.
You're being grown, not restored
The garden metaphor isn't decoration. Nothing in a garden goes back to what it was — it goes on to the next season, and the next season is usually more.
“She is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.”
Psalm 1:3 (adapted)
