The two-week wait: what helps, what doesn't

The waiting is the part nobody warns you about, and it happens every single month.

Why symptom-spotting can't work

Early pregnancy symptoms and premenstrual symptoms are produced by the same hormone doing the same thing. Progesterone rises after ovulation whether or not you conceived, and it causes the sore breasts, the tiredness, the odd twinges and the appetite changes either way.

So the searching cannot give you an answer. Anything you notice in those two weeks is equally consistent with both outcomes, which is precisely why it will not settle.

The symptoms you are analysing are made by the same hormone in both outcomes. There is genuinely nothing in there to read.

About testing early

Tests taken before a missed period are frequently negative in pregnancies that are perfectly fine, simply because there is not enough hormone yet.

Testing early mostly buys you an inconclusive answer and several more days of the same waiting. If you can hold until the day your period is due, the result means something.

What actually helps

• Put something in the diary for the middle weekend — something that requires being somewhere and talking to people
• Decide in advance when you'll test, and tell someone, so the decision isn't remade hourly
• Keep moving. Ordinary exercise is fine and does not need to stop
• Stay off the forums at 2am. Nobody there knows anything about your cycle
• Tell one person you're waiting, if you can. Carrying it alone is the part that wears

What to ignore

You do not have to lie with your legs up, avoid lifting anything, or stop exercising. None of that changes an implantation.

You do not have to eat particular foods in a particular order. And a negative test is not caused by having had a stressful fortnight — that idea puts the failure on you, and it isn't true.

When it's negative

It is allowed to be a real disappointment, every time, even early on, even when you know the odds and know it is normal.

Grieving something that hasn't happened yet is a strange kind of sad and other women will recognise it instantly. Say it out loud to one of them.