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Personal Experience

When God feels far away

Nobody warns you that a season of exhaustion can also be a season of spiritual quiet.

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Nobody warned me that the fourth trimester could also be a spiritually flat one. I had assumed something that significant would arrive with a sense of the sacred attached.

Mostly it arrived with broken sleep, and a quiet that I read as absence.

Exhaustion is not evidence

A body running on fragmented sleep does not produce many spiritual feelings. That's physiology, and mistaking it for a verdict on your faith is a heavy thing to carry on top of everything else.

Feeling far is not the same as being far.

What helped, eventually

  • Shorter everything — three verses instead of three chapters
  • Letting other people's prayers count on the days mine were absent
  • Saying it out loud to one trusted friend rather than performing fine
  • Not waiting to feel like it before showing up

And if it's more than a dry season

If the flatness is everywhere — not just faith, but food, people, the things you used to love — that may be depression rather than a spiritual season, and it responds to help.

Talking to a provider is not a lack of faith. It's stewardship.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18
PostpartumFinding Yourself AgainFaith during difficult seasonsTestimoniesSpiritual growth

These are personal reflections. Please weigh them against scripture and your own church community and leadership rather than treating them as doctrine.

Keep reading

The other door

The Gate

Nobody hands you the manual.

The fathers' side of this house. Written for him, in his language — so you can send him something rather than summarise it.

The Workshop · The Forge · The Watch · The Field

Show him The Gate

The other door

The Village

You don't have to do motherhood alone.

Lissa's side of this house, and where most of it began. If she sent you here, this is what she has been reading.

The Well · The Table · The Garden · The Chapel · The Home

Go into the Village